This weekend will be the 2-year anniversary of the day we were no longer legally married.
I decided to look back at what I wrote about how I felt a year ago on that day.
There was nothing.
I vividly remember how I actually felt on August 4th last year, but I guess I didn’t feel it was right to write about it. Hmmm.
I remember working that day. I worked out in The Woodlands and had a long commute back to town. I spent the entire drive talking to my mom about it. Well, “talking” isn’t accurate - to be honest, I spent the entire 50 minute drive bawling my eyes out. He and I were on good terms, but we were not married anymore.
I cried about how I had felt better and worse over the previous year without him. I cried that I worried I wasn’t going to ever find love again. I cried that I wasn’t ever going to find love like HIS again. I cried to my mom that her divorce from my Dad fucked me up and I was determined not to let that happen to my own children.
Then I cried a different cry that I had accomplished a lot in the year without him. I had done things I had never done before personally, professionally, socially, financially, and even things I had learned to do around the house that I had never thought I could were handled.
I was sad that I had hurt him and that I was worried he’d never find love again either. I cared about him and wanted him to be happy, not alone. She said he would – that he was a good guy with a lot going for him and that I couldn’t worry about him like that anymore – it wasn’t my job any longer.
I sobbed so hard I got a headache – I definitely remember that.
So, now I’m staring down the second anniversary of the same event.
We’re in a whole new place than this time last August.
We were on good terms then and we’re on great terms now.
It was another year of growth for me and for him.
I did even more things on my own this year. I’ve settled into being an ex-wife/single mom/sole provider whereas last year was about keeping my head above water, this year is about actually swimming.
He’s engaged now. Wedding is planned for later this month.
His fiancé is exactly what I would have asked for if I could have picked my children’s step-mother. She’s awesome. She makes him happy. When he’s happy, I’m happy. When I’m happy we’re all happy.
We have family meetings with everyone at the same table making decisions on things that best suit the children. We coordinate and communicate of what they need, where they need to be and even try our best to help each other find new jobs in this crazy economy. We even feed each other’s pets when the other takes vacations.
It really is like that. And this is exactly where I knew we could be.
It’s amazing the difference a year makes…