Just becuase

Sometimes, I feel pressured to explain my intentions and my actions when I don't feel I should have to. And maybe I don't want to.

Sometimes I can't. I literally can not articulate why I want to be alone, why I want to go out with my friends, why I feel overwhelmed by being around other people and tending to thier needs.

I feel like a bad person when I get this way - but it's not becuase I don't care. It's becuase at that moment, I can't think about anyone - not even myself.

And sometimes, I feel as if the person asking why they can't come over and hang out, or when I'm going to make time for them or why I haven't been hanging out in my old haunts is trying to control me. Then, that triggers a fierce and instant defense response towards what I feel is them trying to control me.

I recoil into myself and my own world at the thought of having to explain myself when "No" or "Not tonight" or even "Maybe next weekend" should be enough of an answer. And, when thats not good enough for the asker, and they push me further - I feel like they don't respect me, care about my reasons being my own, consider how I feel or what my priorities are and they are not hearing me. Therefore, I feel like I'm not even important to them at that point.

It only goes downhill from there.