Everyone has a few things they don’t love about themselves, whether physical or character traits. But when insecurity becomes crippling, it not only affects the insecure person, but everyone around them.
I’m insecure about some things, but no more than most people, in my opinion. I’m very aware of the wrinkles around my eyes, that my muscle tone isn’t what it once was, and that I laugh too loud most of the time. My hands are showing their age, I’m bad at math and I’m embarrassed that I cry a lot – even though I often can’t help it – because I cry at the most inappropriate times.
One of the things I’m good at is reading people though. I can look beyond who they want you to see to who more of who they really are. I can do this because I truly care about people. Even those who don’t care about themselves, or me.
My observations about insecurity:
1. It keeps you from really getting to know people.
2. It causes undue anxiety.
3. It annoys more confident people.
4. Other insecure people feed off your insecurity, which causes you to feed off of theirs, and that situation turns into an embarrassing scene for everyone involved.
5. Complementing insecure people and reminding them that they have nothing to be ashamed of does not make them more secure.
6. People who seem overly confident are usually the most insecure.
7. The root of insecurity is shame. We aren’t born shameful, we allow other people to make us that way – with their words, actions and judgements.
Now, I’m not judging anyone - I admitted a few things I don’t love about myself, albeit trivial things. But I have always been a confident individual. And over the last several years, I have strengthened what was already there by doing the work to push out of my life the shame I had let other people cast upon me. It’s ongoing work. But it’s routine work now, like paying bills or sweeping the floors. There is always going to be people trying to make themselves feel better by making me feel bad about myself. And once I learned how not to allow them to do that, it changed me.
Yes, people hurt my feelings.
Yes, I sometimes get upset at what people say about me.
Yes, I have to work at letting it go.
Yes, I’m human.
No, I’m not better than you or anyone else.
Now, when I encounter insecure people I want to tell them about the 8th thing I’ve observed about insecure people.
8. It negatively affects everyone in your life. So stop being selfish and deal with your shit.