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Natalie Blake is an open book and a bad speller.

How it feels.

2/22/2011

4 Comments

 
In responce to my last post, this is how I feel:

1. I'm sad that I've hurt him.

2. I do miss him - sometimes.

3. Other times I do not.

4. I'm sad/embarassed/hurt/frustrated that other people don't understand why we got divorced. (And "someone*" even told me that my reasons for divorcing him were not even valid and that I needed to get over myself. *Thanks, Dad.)

5. I know that it wouldn't work if we got back together becuase he doesn't appear to have accepted that he's not perfect.

6. It's gut-wrenching that someone, someday, will get the parts of him that are wonderful - along with the parts of him that are not, however.

I know people DO get remarried after they divorce. It even happened to my own grandparents - back in the days when divorce was a terrible stigma. 

Regardless of what the future brings, he will never, EVER trust me again. So, I do not hold out hope that we will reconcile. That part doesn't make me sad.

The part that tears me up is that although WE had problems, he didn't love me enough to take a hard look at himself, and accept responsibility for his part in OUR problems. And until he takes that hard, honest, look at himself, he is destined to repeat the mistakes he made and have failing relationships.

I truly hope he does the work he needs to do on himself. He's a good guy that wants to be loved more than almost anything.
4 Comments
dtf
2/22/2011 06:03:32 am

Hmm! Does it ever scare you that Dad might be right? It takes time and other relationships before we realize things about our failures. It is an interesting process we go through. Both parties seem to always have their own contributions to the disaster. Don’t we all want to be loved?

Reply
nb
2/22/2011 07:53:42 am

I think it's fair to say that all people do want to be loved.

Yes, I thought about what my Dad said - for 2 years - before I decided to make a move towards divorce.

I fully admit my own failings in my marriage. In no way was my post meant to place blame solely on him.

It is a very interesting process I'm going through. I work on myself and my life every single day. Sometimes it's hard. Sometimes it's very hard. And for the effort, I will be a better person, a better parent and a better partner.



Reply
dtf
2/22/2011 11:47:07 am

The process is long and just when you think you are making progress, it is easy to fall apart.

It will make yoou strong.

I hope you find your peace!

Reply
rr
2/23/2011 03:39:21 am

people love to rubber neck on other people's relationship problems. Just blow them off. Divorce is emtionally and financially draining. The last thing you need is other people trying to keep you down

Reply



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