A little hopeless.
Trapped. (the kiss of death as hard-core NB fans know all too well.)
I've fallen into my predictable pattern again. I can feel it. I can see what it's doing. And, I can recognize it. But, I can. not. stop. it.
You know the drill by know, right?
1. I dont want to talk to people. (or communicate much at all.)
2. I don't want to leave my house.
3. Everything that seems even the least bit stressful feels OVERWHELMING.
4. I am crippled - by fear, by uncertainty, by anxiety, by not being in control.
5. I don't like this about myself.
But I'm going to try something new.
TAG prays. He's open and sincere about it. He's really good at it, too. He's prayed for me before - and things happen. Like, my lost cat showed up, my kids and I got over the heartbreak of 2 pets that went to heaven, I got a job, the poison ivy incident didn't kill me, and several other things. It's almost a joke between us. When either of us is stressed or looking for answers to what life throws in our path - i just say "Hey! Pray about it and it'll all turn out just as it should. You do it, cuz God listens to you."
Early last week I asked TAG what he prays for.
Does he ask for specific things to happen? Not happen? If so, what do you pray for when God doesn't make things happen the way you prayed for them to?
He said "I pray for guidance."
Huh? Whaaaa...? Guidance?
"Or patience to wait for Him to show me what his plan for me is."
I was stunned.
I've been a good little church going girl my entire life. And I've prayed (prayed so hard) the way I thought I was supposed to. I don't think I've ever prayed for guidance though.
So, tonight I'm going to pray for guidance. With an open heart.
And patience - cuz i'll need it while I prepare to recognize the guidance.
I've been thinking about God's plan for my life and how I got here. I've also been more aware of the impact I have other the lives of others lately. And I think maybe God put TAG in my life, right now, to offer me guidance.