I miss him terribly.
And yesterday broke my heart even more. If I didn't have good friends who love me and dropped everything to be there for me, it would have been even harder.
From a place of pain and anger, he hurt me with his words.
After a few rounds of biting texts I had to make the decision to stop engaging. I recognized his state of mind and motives and acknowledged that writing back would only make matters worse.
I'm struggling with that because I had never planned to cut him off like I did - to completely stop talking, texting, calling... but I didn't know what else to do at the time. I wasn't going to let him say those things to me whether he meant them or not. I may have hurt him, but I didn't disrespect him, and I wasn't going to let him make me feel worse. So what am I supposed to do now? I'm stuck with staying silent. If I reach out to him, and offer an inch, I fear he'll take a mile.
And honestly, I was surprised and disappointed by his tone. The night before, he had left something on my doorstep that touched my heart with it's simplicity, elegance and sincerity - something unique to our relationship, I thought. And now this?
Maybe the gift wasn't as sincere as I had thought - but just a ploy to get back in. I hope it wasn't. And if it was, I hope I never find out.