Becuase then they have power over me.
And I'd be helpless to be an individual or operate as such.
It's why BF and I broke up.
I couldn't do it. I couldn't "give" myself to him.
I didn't understand the concept, actually, and he wasn't very good at communicating to me what he needed and then it was too late.
I would have tried, if I had known.
The topic is back now, with TAG.
Why do I hold things back? Not just from him, but from everyone.
I know - but I'm bad at explaining it.
1. I don't see the benefit of sharing everything with someone.
2. I don't like feeling vulnerable. And I feel like once someone knows everything about you, you are vulnerable. I'm not saying that's right. It's just how I feel.
3. I have trust issues.
He said he's tell me anything - answer and question I asked him.
I pointed out that I don't ask him some things becuase I don't want to know the answer and I don't want him to ask me the same question in return. I don't want a discussion. So I just don't ask.
I'm at peace with this arrangement.
Lots of people would let not knowing some things about thier partner eat at them and gnaw away their confidence until the resentment it caused broke up thier relationship.
But I don't resent not knowing everything becuase, in turn, I don't give away everything.
Fair is fair and I like fair.
Honestly though, in the back of my mind, I am curious about what it would be like to "give myself" to someone.
How would it be different that this?
But we all know what curiosity did to the cat.