I’m sitting in a black chair looking between my phone and a laptop screen with a blank document open.
The phone is lighting up with texts from someone whose feelings are hurt and they want me to do something about it – one or more of the following: explain, help, intervene, fix, empathize, listen, etc.
The laptop screen is begging me to wright about why I haven’t texted back.
I haven’t responded because I’m trying to decide how deeply I want to engage with them. And which, if any, actions I will take if/when I do. (Sometimes it’s better for everyone if I just don’t.)
This is a decision that requires pause because I have learned, over time, that what I want to do isn’t always what I should do, either for their benefit or my own. It’s about expectations, learning, guiding, listening, behavior patterns and boundaries – on both sides.
I’m at the part now where I think about their core wounds and emotional baggage and why their feelings are hurt in the first place. I think about my own as well, and my part in causing their current pain (if I have one).
I know that sounds like bullshit, but it’s not. It is exactly what I’m doing and what I’m thinking about at this very minute.