“Chaos theory studies the behavior of dynamical systems that are highly sensitive to initial conditions, an effect which is popularly referred to as the butterfly effect. Small differences in initial conditions (such as those due to rounding errors in numerical computation) yield widely diverging outcomes for such dynamical systems, rendering long-term prediction impossible in general. This happens even though these systems are deterministic, meaning that their future behavior is fully determined by their initial conditions, with no random elements involved. In other words, the deterministic nature of these systems does not make them predictable.”
In a nutshell, regardless of the plans I develop, big and small, there will always be tiny – unknown or perhaps imperceptible – primary, secondary or even tertiary events that affect it and drive the plan off course to some degree. The results are that I am late, expectations are not met and sacrifices are usually made in order to accomplish what I can with what can be salvaged of the original plan. This happens to me every day.
One of the pitfalls of understanding that chaos theory is part of my daily life is that when plans go accordingly, I automatically assume something wasn’t accounted for initially. This causes me great stress. My mind starts spinning - I must have forgotten to include something or maybe I didn’t account for such and such! So there is no relief in a plan that goes according to plan.
The most depressing part of this is that my life is so chaotic on a daily basis that when it’s not, I am incapable of relaxing. It’s a physical and mental challenge I can’t meet.
Chaos is my normal.