What would happen if you were in a relationship that didn’t exactly follow the traditional “steps” that have ruled how people meet, couple, marry, live their lives together and die in Western society?
Would you be ashamed? Afraid?
Would you feel insecure about your relationship?
Would you be content?
As of today, I feel strongly that I would be fine with a long-term, committed relationship without ever officially co-habitating and without marriage. I don’t have to live with you or marry you to love you and be your partner in life.
I’m not ashamed of this and I do not foresee myself becoming embarrassed if it were, in fact, how my love-life plays out over time.
I would be much more ashamed of another failed marriage.
I may change my mind one day and want to marry. But I can assure you that it will not be because society, or my friends and family pressure me to do so. (I mean, this is Natalie Blake we’re talking about.)
If you can’t handle not marrying/living with me, then you aren’t the man for nb anyway.
This is a quick post about a long dream.
It does not take a genius to figure out what my dreams are trying to tell me lately.
Last night I dreamt that I was pregnant and having a baby in the hallway of the hospital because this baby was coming so quickly we couldn’t make it to a room.
It felt SO real I remember saying to my nurse, “This is exactly how it happened with my first baby!”
Earlier, in the same dream, my brothers were herding furry little creatures from our driveway into our garage. They were very similar to the sweet Gremlins characters, like Gizmo. We could handle them and pet them and we were trying to keep them safe from stormy weather.
This is what all that means:
Having a baby is representative of big changes in my life. It’s “giving birth” to new ideas or a project. It also indicates a change in attitude, new beginnings and the opportunity to nurture my inner child by giving her the opportunity to grow.
Dreaming of furry little Gremlin creatures means there are some insecurities and fears that need to be dealt with. Interesting how my subconscious must have recognized this adorable symbol as fear because I wanted to protect and take care of the Gizmos in my dream.
It’s not a secret that I have a lot of ideas floating around in my head.
Some are new opportunities for personal growth, others are entrepreneurial adventures that may or may not pan out.
But none of my real life brainstorms for 2013 involve new babies, new pets or harboring aliens in my garage.
I really, REALLY am.
There were a few years there where my awesomeness was so powerful, even I couldn’t control it.
It seems that around the time I started my personal work (ok, call it therapy if you must) I started to be less awesome. Oh, it was always there – but the “hella-awesome” started to dim…
Honestly, over the past 2 years or so, I’ve gotten quite boring. When you’ve gotten to the point where you’re bored with yourself it’s up to you and only you to do something about it because your friends and family are probably happy with the break they’re having from your awesome-drama and won’t tell you how lame you’ve become so you only have 1 chance to reclaim the former awesome you before it’s lost forever to mainstream momdom. (Yes, the second sentence should be exclaimed in its entirety using only 1 breath.)
Don’t get me wrong – much good came from my personal work. But my awesomeness wasn’t my problem... how I used it was.
So I’ve decided to approach this problem like a Project Manager: identify the problem, investigate solutions, make a plan, implement the plan, compare control to result to verify if plan was successful.
Identify the problem: I got boring. There’s no beating around the bush here. I was fun and exciting and spontaneous. Now I am predictable and cautious and regimented.
Investigate Solutions: How will I regain my awesomeness? Well, partying like a literal rock star, specifically someone of Madonna’s ilk, isn’t really what I had in mind. Maybe someone more along the lines of Gwen Stefani?
Make a Plan:
1. Hang out more – outside of my house. (Yeah, I’m for real.)
2. Talk to strangers like I used to. (Always loved doing that.)
3. Go to new places and try new things. (Alone and maybe with new stranger friends?)
4. Make time for activities that used to make me happy. (This one will be key to the success of this plan.)
Implement Plan: Alright, today is January 3rd. It’s now or never. I’ve already lost 2 days of this year. Good Project Managers don’t let their schedules slip because of excuses, whiney team members or budget constraints.
Next Steps: Let’s review in 90 days to assess my progress.
Wish me luck!
I’ve written about this a few times before, but I’m going to make sure this horse is good and dead.
Marriage is, and always has been, a business. It’s the business of procreation, the business of survival and the business of prosperity – all in one high-risk general partnership.
Just as in business ventures, potential partners are selected by a variety of traits, including but not limited to:
I married for love - because I loved a man that offered desirable genetic traits, financial potential and social acceptance. Most importantly, I knew he would be a good father and provider for our children and me. I’m not sorry for that or ashamed to admit it.
And now that we are divorced, I have no need to marry again because I made a wise choice the first time around and wasn’t letting my heart lead my head into a train-wreck. He was and always will be a good father and the best Xhusband a woman could hope for.
Relationships now require a different strategy. Since I have acquired assets through my initial partnership – it’s all about keeping them safe while increasing their value through managed risk and slow growth.
Additionally, as a boss, sometimes I have to fire people. It sucks, but it’s what’s best for the team and the organization. It’s easier to fire an employee than a shareholder. Just sayin. So dissolving a limited liability partnership protects me and my assets for the long term with much less red tape and no attorneys.
I realize this all sounds crass and bitchy. And it is.
But it’s the way I was made then reinforced by my upbringing and personal experience.
And if you tossed this topic out at a dinner party, you’d probably be surprised by how many people would agree with me.