He was right.
But, I didn't withhold it to hurt him. It wasn't on purpose and I never even knew I was doing it.
Whatever my heart is protecting me from - it was never HIM.
I don't think I ever gave it to the man I married so long ago and just forgot what it was like - becuase I don't even know what it means.
It took me years to acknowlege my "inner child" only becuase it took that long to find somone who could explain to me what that even was. Once I understood - I made great progress. But it took a long time to get to that point. I was starting to feel stupid. I felt like I was the only one in the world who didn't understand.
And thats how I feel now.
I feel stupid for not knowing what it even MEANS to give my heart to someone. I know I can't DO it until I can DEFINE it.
So once again I'm waiting. I feel like a child sitting on the sidewalk watching other kids play outside. I want to - but I don't know how, and I have no friends to show me.
I've found my motivation to keep trying to figure it out though. If I have loved like I have - and there can be more. I want that. And I know I need to work on giving my heart to someone to get it.